When Fairytales End With The D Word There’s ALWAYS Hope
We get into a marriage with a dream of a lifelong commitment. However not every marriage ends up being the dream happily ever after and these end in a heartbreaking, gut wrenching pain called divorce. At the time it could seem like an endless vortex of anxiety and trauma. However, there is always light at the end of the tunnel. The end of something good could undoubtedly be the bridge to better times. Therefore, the idea is to take heart and to reclaim one’s existence and live life at its optimum potential. Here are some of the things to keep in mind which can help you get through these trying times.
Learn to Handle Social Scenarios Better
It is inevitable that your divorce will be a topic of social discussion in almost every social event possible. So, if you are at a stage where you are not comfortable talking about it, it is best to avoid social gatherings or events where it may arise. You will face questions, and sometimes, from people you are not even remotely close to. Have a stock of answers ready, in case you are forced to deal with these. People will not treat you normally; some will view you with contempt, some with pity. While you cannot really do much to change how people treat you, maybe you have to device a way of dealing with these unspoken gestures.
Don’t Be Afraid To Reach Out
Reach out for help from friends or a trained professional if you find it difficult to cope. Bottling up your feelings can often lead to depression and other health issues, which are very common among people going through a divorce. Open up to your close friends or family. Don’t be ashamed to seek professional help because a trained therapist, who has seen other people through a similar scenario, can guide you better and more objectively. It is often seen that people undergoing a tough time tend to fall into addiction. So, come what may, steer clear of drugs or drinking alone. There are a number of support groups in your city or online which can be of excellent help. Instead of being the third wheel at your happily married friends’ party, you can connect and have fun with other people in a situation similar to yours.
Don’t Stalk Him
Whatever you do, make sure that you don’t stalk him online or try to get information about him through common friends. If you cannot trust yourself with this responsibility, entrust a close friend or family member to keep you away from doing it. This will cause you more pain and make it even more difficult to move on. Moreover, you will only be more tormented if he is doing better or already dating so do yourself a favour and stop stalking him. Try to keep the contact to a minimum.
Let Yourself Loose
The first step to a better life is to take control of your life. Learn to live independently and have fun without him. Don’t limit your life to work and home. Get a nice head to toe massage or even a manicure and pedicure. Or simply take a long, relaxing bath with your favourite book or a glass of wine. You know that you deserve it. Take yourself on a solo date or go to a movie by yourself. Treat yourself to anything your heart desires. Even better, take a few days off and go on a nice vacation by yourself or with your friends and family. Dedicate your free time to start a new hobby or volunteer for a cause. Besides keeping you fruitfully occupied, it will make you feel much better about yourself and you may also pick up a skill or two!
Deal With the Memories
Divide your stuff and get rid of his things as soon as possible. Eliminate all things like pictures, gifts etc. which make you upset. If you are not the one moving out, clean out everything that you associate with him. Even then, for months, you will find certain things around the house, sometimes things belonging to him that will bring back all the memories. You have to be mentally prepared for these situations too. Remember that time is the best medicine and the pain will definitely reduce.
Experiment With Your Style
A bold new makeover is a great way to help one cope with your pain. Although it is not a solution but a bit of shopping or a makeover will definitely go a long way in helping you survive better. Life is too short to stick to same old style that you have been sporting. Don’t be afraid to get out of your comfort zone and try something ridiculously bold that you have never imagined. Maybe it’s time to finally get out of those pajamas and get a tattoo or piercing. If you are not looking into something that permanent, get the bold lip colour you have always been fascinated by but never even dared to think about buying it. Just do anything to ensure that you are not stuck in a rut.
It is the best to keep the split up clean and without unwanted bitterness. It is especially important for people who have a common circle or share the custody of kids. Talking about your ex-husband won’t change the past or the present hence the best option is to look at the future and keep yourself away from unnecessary drama.
Don’t Lose Faith on Love
It is not uncommon to lose faith in love when you are in the process of splitting up with the person you thought you would spend your life with. But don’t close yourself to the idea of love. You are extremely likely to meet someone who will make your heart flutter and toes curl again. So, always keep yourself open to new love. Just because a marriage did not work out doesn’t mean that you have to be alone. So, hang in there because better days are coming!
A divorce can be more difficult of one’s life. It can make you feel the absolute worst but this too shall pass. One day it will all be a bad memory and you will realize that you are doing much better at present. Till then, you will have to try to mend you broken heart and keep going because life is a blessing and in the end no one can ruin that!